Template:Family Tree/January 2015

 ''Welcome to what I hope to be the first of many issues of Family Tree. For those who do not recall, or were not present, our least favorite rapper IamJakuhoRaikoben once made a family tree blog on the wiki to depict how our "family" was born. Beginning with him (and not the founder Retro7) and ending with the generation of Mega (among others), we saw how this wiki's weird and perverted nature began.  Rai even once made a subsequent blog for registration to a larger family tree, and at first, many people signed up to be on it. However, like most of Rai's projects, and his life in general, it stalled for a long time before it completely and utterly failed, going nowhere at all.  However, it was indeed a very funny idea that could've provided great laughs, and so I decided we could do it as a monthly magazine article, and that is how you've come to read this. Before anyone whines about not being on the tree, please note that not everyone can be on it, and even those that can will not be on it immediately. It's a monthly article till further notice, so there are gonna be a lot of generations featured. As such, do kindly shut up and read =) So now,

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In the time before time, when the network was still young, there were no wikis. There were no edit wars, there were no pages, there was no content, there was only ..... Chaos. Bored of the lack of activity in its life, Chaos went into a deep slumber, waking up only several years later, protected by its assortment of stuffed animals.

One day, Chaos happened upon a strange land created by a time-traveler named Retro7, who was lost in time, having jumped forward from the 1980s. Retro7 seemed to be a very chilled out person, dressed in a macked-out white suit and hat, dancing happily wherever he went. Needing a place to dance in his new era, Retro7 created a land titled after his new favorite series: The Fairy Tail Wiki. Chaos happening across this land was the most fortunate thing Retro7 could have wished for, as Chaos provided a much needed insight into the series which Retro could not. As the two began to work together, their connections began deepening. Despite not understanding Chaos' true gender, Retro7 did not care and continued doing as he wished. Understanding that this connection was now romantic, the two consummated their relationship in Chaos' apartment closet.

Surprisingly, both of them became pregnant simultaneously, despite Retro clearly being male. Both decided to continue their work throughout their pregnancies, and so the wiki continued to grow. Six months later, son Shock Dragoon and daughter Ishthak were born to Retro and Chaos, respectively. Nobody knows why their births took only six months, or how they occurred on the exact same day, but some speculate that it was Chaos and Retro's happiness that allowed them to give birth so fast.

Shock Dragoon and Ishthak provided a great deal of help for their parents in building up the land of Fairy Tail Wiki. It expanded to heights greater than Retro7 had ever imagined. Retro credited his son Shock Dragoon for this success, ignoring his ________ Chaos and daughter Ishthak, and presented him with a key to the wiki. While Chaos and Ishthak took no ill will, Retro7 did not continue as he was meant to and began lazying about. Taking great pleasure in molesting a newcomer to the land by the name of Dalyup, Retro7 impregnated said man and nine months later, Garyness was born, in spite of no actual insemination occurring.

The final member of the initial generation was Empath-silvio. This humanoid-looking creature was born from Retro7's desire for another son similar to Shock Dragoon. However, Chaos had turned sour upon Retro for utilizing its dildos in the molestation of Dalyup and refused to bear another child for Retro, also remembering the pain its mouth endured when giving birth to Ishthak.

Without Chaos, Retro was forced to turn to another and so turned to his own son Shock Dragoon, believing that between them, there was sufficient guarantee of the desired child. However, nobody truly knows what happened, as the Empath disappeared shortly after its birth, leaving much of the wiki in either surprise or indifference. However, with all the pre-occupation with procreation, the work for the website had fallen far behind its intended schedule. Knowing that it could not let its land suffer because of its former partner's behavior, Chaos took it upon itself to procure "four necessary ingredients"

With these items, Chaos inadvertently got more than it desired as it created greatest pain and pleasure the internet would ever experience...



IamJakuhoRaikoben was an egotist rivaling any who had come before him. Overweight but prepared, he set out to accomplish the work his genderless creator, whom he affectionately called "Mapa", set before him. With great efficiency, the work was completed and soon, realizing what they could create, more of Chaos's fellow editors decided to have children whom they could guide and show the paths, and would one day take over for them.

Ishthak would take Garyness to her cavern every night and repeatedly attempted to have her way with him. Though he would initially refuse, Ishthak's surprising charm always seemed to win him over and the two would bump uglies repeatedly for a month in an attempt to conceive a child. However, it would appear that they were unable to do so, and Chaos suggested that Garyness was infertile. Distraught, Ishthak wandered for a while, carrying only polish sausage with her. While walking down the street, she heard a familiar song playing on displayed TVs in store windows. Dancing along with it, she was incredibly surprised to see a manifestation of the song's theme appear before her as she finished. She named this strange being Rauleli and took him home with her.

Teaching him all she knew about imagery, she found Rauleli to be a competent worker on par with Chaos' creation IamJakuhoRaikoben. However, much like Jakuho had his ego, Rauleli had his own problems. His problem was that he always complained. Whether it was about his food being too cold or his penis being too small, Rauleli would utilize any chance he got to complain. Growing tired of him, Ishthak berated him heavily for his behavior and left him to fend for himself for a while.

Meanwhile, Garyness and Dalyup were both pondering their own roles in the land, and after having talked for the good majority of a day, Dalyup threw Garyness into bed and proceeded to do to Garyness what Retro7 did to him, without dildos however. Though Dalyup did not have Ishthak's charm that Garyness found appealing, he was somehow able to impregnate Dalyup and give birth to a baby named L k. L k had a severe identity crisis, often dressing differently and alternating genders. While pretending to be male, she would utilize names such as Tutles and Nekomander. Some say that her exploits with her father Garyness earned her the nickname Bojangles. Proving to be an efficient worker in his/her own right, she joined IamJakuhoRaikoben and Rauleli to improve their land.

The three were doing well, and all the parents were happy, until such time as they decided that they had had enough of being told what to do. Rather than kill their parents however, they decided that they would instead create their own children whom they could boss around.

Would their plan work, or would it instead fail miserably? Join us next time as we tackle Fairy Tail Wiki's "Worst Generation"!

How pervy is our wiki? 11/10. Not enough. We're about Fairy Tail. What do you expect? Good thing they don't know who we are. This is why I hide my face.

Till next time, guys!