Template:Bollywood Tail/November 2014

 Welcome to the first and guaranteed to be the only issue of Bollywood Tail. As I'm sure you guys know, I dropped the Fairy Tail manga from my reading list and I'm not in a mood to review any more parts of this extremely crappy arc, even if I'm not yet at its crappiest point. As such, this article has been created to replace The Earth Land Chronicles until such time as I feel like writing it again.  This article was inspired by a boring bus ride where I was thinking of how bad Fairy Tail's gotten as we passed some Bollywood movie posters. I then realized that Fairy Tail could've been far worse as a Bollywood movie than as a manga so that's where this idea was born. So, sit back and enjoy this ride.  Bit of fair warning, the following content is going to make fun of Bollywood and India a lot'' so if you're Indian and easily offended, you should probably skip this. So now,

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g246/sey115/shallwebegin_zps6418c3bc.gif 

Time to venture into the place where dreams die and expectations are crushed, people!

Before we start with the movie however, the poster deserves our attention as we need to address how it'd be likely be done in Bollywood.



First, I'll explain the words to the bottom left.

Dost = Friend Punch = Tail

So, yes, if it were a Bollywood movie, Fairy Tail would most likely be named Friend Tail, or something of the sort. Granted, it's pretty accurate, but it doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it? There you go.

Second is Natsu. Basically, any (male) Bollywood hero will be featured in a poster from the bust and upwards, typically with an expression to show what they are like. As such, Natsu does this because he's a weirdo by Bollwood standards. Like they're one to judge, though. Anyways, he's depicted as a ninja of sorts here because he'll likely be a more silent hero (probably to the film's benefit) with some comical traits from time to time, though he'll not likely assume the literal role of a ninja at any point in the movie.

The final point is Erza. Even though most would argue Lucy plays a more important role in the series, Erza will be the one depicted due to (what we will see of) her behavior. As you can tell, the Erza of a Bollywood movie has zero problem showing off her body in revealing clothes. True, the Erza of the manga doesn't either, but the difference is that she doesn't do it as often because she normally wears armor and saves the bikinis or shorts for the most casual of days, such as beach days. Comparatively, Bollywood Erza is likely to wear what she wears in the poster for the entirety of the movie, garnering ogling from male characters and audience members. Mind you, I mean main male characters, as opposed to random male bystanders (though they'll be there too).

http://i1263.photobucket.com/albums/ii629/Marineforce/ThePlot_zpsf1dadf12.png

The story will begin in the same way as the Fairy Tail anime began, with Natsu riding the train. However, since it's Bollywood, he won't be the only one there. This train is going to be packed with people such that not everyone gets a seat. If you don't know what I mean, Google"Indian Train Crowd" images. Due to this crowd, Natsu will end up taking a double ride on the trade, as opposed to it being solely due to his motion sickness, a trait which will be remain present.

Meanwhile, Lucy's attempting to buy a key from a shop owner, as we know. However, while the anime and manga don't depict further interactions between the two after Lucy's attempt to charm him, this film will. Lucy's attempt to charm him, which will involve nothing more than cute smiles (as cleavage is still somewhat scarce in the films, though is growing more prevalent), will entice him a bit too much and he'll offer her what she wants in exchange for becoming his. Obviously, this being more than she's willing to give, walks out of the story.

But it doesn't end there, oh no. He chases after her and as she attempts to get free once he grabs her and tries to pull her back, Natsu will appear and knock him out quickly. How did he get there at just the right time? Why was he going to this city in the first place? Well, we have no idea. It's basically just plot convenience that we're going to question against the filmmaker's will.

Now that our hero and heroine have met, we'll have our very first Bollywood dance number in Dost Punch.

http://i596.photobucket.com/albums/tt43/HnanKwtup/Bollywood/ndam2b.gif

So, yes, they're be buddy-buddy from now on, their outfits will change for this specific dance and there will be lots of girls surrounding them in skimpy clothing whom we will never see again (much to our dismay) for the remainder of the movie. He'll talk (sing) about himself, she'll talk (sing)about herself and we're apparently supposed to pay attention to this content even though most people who like this will pay more attention to the surroundings, because the tall buildings, the girl's shorts and the SKY are more interesting than these two characters telling us about themselves while singing.

Well, during that song that nobody paid attention to, we learn that Lucy wants to join Dost Punch, the famous guild and she wanted to buy a key that would impress them with her ability to use Magic. Yes, the Magic thing hasn't changed from the main series. In a lovely coincidence, Natsu is from Dost Punch and decides that he'll take her there.

So, we'll get a travel scene with a lot of lush greenery until finally arriving in the city and in the city lies the guild building. Since it's Bollywood, this city will be a whole lot more crowded than Magnolia Town is in the anime or manga. We will go inside the guild building to see what it looks like and then we'll see how our favorite characters are in this Bollywood movie. I could be lazy and tell you that this is basically going to be Edolas Fairy Tail personalities, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Gray and Natsu are buddy-buddy. Elfman's a sensitive man. Cana's a stereotypical proper-girl, as per whatever standards India had hundreds of years ago and still attempts to maintain. Loke is a playboy, but he wears leather rather than casual clothing, and he also rides a motorcycle.

I believe that's everyone who is important, so that's about it. We won't meet Makarov right away, and we'll know next to nothing about the guild as a whole. Oh, right! Mirajane is still a behind-the-counter girl. So basically, she'll notice Natsu and Lucy together and she'll suggest that the two of them work together from now on, if Lucy is accepted into the guild when the master returns. Natsu, feeling a connection in their very short time together, agrees and so does Lucy. As such, the two are now a team.

One thing you may have noticed so far is that there is no annoying blue cat. For whatever reason, Bollywood films feature relatively few talking creatures. Even aliens are relatively scarce in comparison to Hollywood films. Needless to say, this is one change that I'll argue is for the better for Fairy Tail.

That's right, as opposed to embracing Lucy after starting a team with her, Natsu's going to start another dancing number. Ignore Happy, if you will, because as I said, he's not in the movie but he's in this anime gif. This is not going to be a heavily-featured song in the movie's advertisements, but it will be there nonetheless to show that Natsu can let loose at times. Also, for those who are wondering, I'm still using the original names cause I couldn't be bothered to think of how they'd be if they were changed to Indian-origin names and to be honest, I don't want to.

So, since they've come to the guild, we're going to have what you all probably have seen at some point or another but may not know in detail. The most advertised songs in a Bollywood movie are known as the "Item Numbers" done by the "Item Girl" or in recent cases, "Item Boy". Sexism aside, this features the titular human in revealing clothes dancing and lip-syncing to music that makes everyone in the film happy for whatever reason. In the context of a film, the item number will be done often in places like parking lots, stages, or somewhere less mundane than an office building. For some examples, see here and here. So, since "why not?", let's assume that Mirajane is doing the item number. Happy, Rai?

Next up will be the first mission. In the anime, their first mission as a team was DAYBREAK, but here, it's more likely to be the rescue mission. Since we took no break between Lucy going to the guild and Natsu going after Macao, it only makes sense since he'd otherwise be stuck out there. The stuff like Romeo being mad at Makarov would undoubtedly remain the same, but we won't see it and Makarov won't be seen up front, only in flashbacks. Instead, we find out what happened to them from Mirajane.Mirajane will also be telling Lucy about Natsu's history. However, Dragons actually have essentially no role in Indian mythology. Most Indian myths feature some other kind of mythical creature so I figure if we're to have this Natsu raised by one of them, let's say it was a Yali, which is about the closest thing I can think of to a Dragon (not saying much). It doesn't matter though, since the mystery of the 7s won't exist in the Bollywood film.

So, he and Lucy head to Lake Rakshasa (ie. Mt. Hakobe, due to the relative lack of cold weather in India) to find Macao and along the way they find a Makara, which takes Lucy captive. Unlike the Vulcan in the series, this thing has the intention of making her his lunch, as opposed to a bride. Along the way, you're likely to see a ton of over-the-top CGI (in a bad way) of how decrepit the area is and how bodies are decaying very fast.

Natsu will track him down because of how terrible smell, however, which he will most likely compare to the worst curry he's ever eaten. His first goal here will not be to find Macao however, but simply rescue Lucy. Arguably worse still than the typical Fairy Tail nakama speeches, Natsu will tell the Makara how Lucy is his friend with whom he has a strong bond and he won't let her die. All this despite having known her less than a day. At least in the manga, they've known each other for a long period of time, right? So, we will have a quick over-the-top fight and Natsu and the Makara will show off their poorly-choreographed Bollywood stunts, and forget about Lucy in the process.

During this point, Lucy will be watching the fight and thinking about how (and wondering why) Natsu cares for her. She will have some glimmer of light in her eyes before she is suddenly shifted into a random place (movie magic, not plot-wise) to do her own song-and-dance number about how she was wrong about men being assholes, even though up to this point, she showed no signs of hating men. She'll likely wear this outfit for the song, if you want to see, though this isn't what she's wearing while being captive:



So meanwhile, Natsu has delivered the finishing blow to the Makara, and as in the series, the creature reverts back into Macao. Granted, this isn't an ability of the mythical Makara, but even in India, most people don't know what the hell it is, so this is passable enough for a movie plot. Anyways, cue the original dialogue of the series, but with poor over-acting and you've pretty much got this down.

I'm sure most of you noticed that the battle was short as balls, Lucy did nothing, and Natsu didn't even have to put in as much effort as he did in the manga. Consider this part of the Bollywood tendency to glorify violence without actually going into detail about it.

The fight scenes in the movies even today are so over the top that the makers of the Rocky movies would blush, especially at how people get hurt even despite not being visibly hit. Well, they take Macao back home, and along the way, we go through the whole "Romeo got bullied" stuff, but with a ton of extra scenes cause apparently it wasn't sad enough already. We'll see him getting pushed in the mud, having his stuff taken from him, his teachers ignoring him, and anything else that can make the sappy part of the audience feel bad for him, cause apparently the filmmakers didn't think we already felt bad.

The reunion and goodbye is all the same, but here is where we are going to differ from the manga series, in that while walking together, Gray will appear as he did in the anime end of the DAYBREAK arc. Here, he'll warn Natsu that she has returned and urges him to return to the guild as fast as possible. We will now meet Erza Scarlet people. This version is (at first) a girl who likes to dress skimpy and will chew out anyone who tries anything with her, including openly disagreeing with her. So basically, she will have more tension with certain people like Laxus (if he appeared), whom she can't be quite so forceful with. Her good relations remain the same, so basically (seemingly) only Mirajane and the master at first and she's neutral with everyone else unless they cross her. Though she doesn't mind them staring.

Arriving at the guild, Natsu sees Erza. Unlike the first time we saw her in the series, nobody is actually afraid of Erza despite her aforementioned tendency, as such only appears in certain cases. She's mostly a quiet one on matters unrelated to work. She's here cause she has work and needs Natsu for it. Seeing Lucy, she will actually think down of her unlike what happened in the series. She won't show it, but we the audience will know. However, Natsu will convince her to let Lucy come and she'll relent. Gray is joining too and so the four set out for the next sequel:



Will it get made? Only the box office receipts will tell. However, if this plot is anything to go by, the filmmakers had better not hold their breath.

So, I hope you guys enjoyed this little article I put together. I admit, I actually did watch some Bollywood movies and music videos to get more of an idea and find a pattern or two. It was a weird ass ride to be honest, and not one I want to take again in the near future. Though I do have to be fair and admit.....it did get kinda

interesting at times....

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Till next month, guys!