Template:TMITM/July2012

 

Let's not waste any time and start reviewing this month's chapters... I'll tell you guys, don't expect too much, and not just because Laxus isn't doing something.

I - Chapter 289: Tiny Fists
There's really not much to this chapter. The battle of the lolis continue, with Wendy refusing to give up and Chelia readying to finish her off with a fearsome technique which alerts most of the audience due to its lethality, Heavely Gathering of Clouds... which misses its target visibly. Why so? Simply because Wendy restored Chelia's strength without her realizing, increasing the momentum of her spell and thus making it miss. Everyone goes "Oooooohhh!.

The two young Slayers then start engaging in melee combat, employing their Magic at close range to exchange blows. We owe the "Tiny Fists" part to Chapati, who gets more and more excited as the two girls fight fiercely, likely fantasizing about those little hands grabbing his... Well, you know. Peeeeedophile! The clash continues until...

Time runs out!!!

At long last, a fight ends in a draw. Both sides get 5 points, and the two gals' guildmates rejoice, with Jura remembering his first meeting with Wendy at the beginning of the Oración Seis arc. Meanwhile, in the sandy field, the two exhausted competitors exchange words, with Chelia healing Wendy's injuries and then offering the Dragon Slayer her friendship, which Wendy gladly accepts. The two shake hands as the crows goes "Oooooooowwww :3"... Possibly the very same thing which should have happened at the end of Toby and Kurohebi's battle, had the second not been a motherfucker.

On the stands, Jellal cancels any possible suspicion about Chelia being the source of the dark energy, noting that the girl stopped using her Magic but that the energy itself is still present, and pinpoints such energy's location in an unknown individual, which he silently starts chasing among the crowd... Only to be stopped by the sudden appearance of Doranbolt before him. Just as Lahar and his squad approach the two, the scarred Rune Knight claims Jellal isn't Mystogan like everyone believes, and asks him who he really is. Dead end, Jellal. The chapter ends with the people concerned standing still without speaking to create some tension, with Erza realizing something bad's happening. Will the final events of the Oración Seis arc happen again? Keep reading and you'll know.

The chapter was pretty well-drawn, and the cover portrayed Natsu trying to cheat in a boxe fight by wearing "flaming gloves"... Come on, you know what I mean.

II - Chapter 290: Night of Intersecting Feelings
Time to solve the difficult situation from last chapter, right? Jellal tries to get away, but Doranbolt manages to unmask him with a slap, revealing an unmistakable face. The Rune Knights are alerted, but Yajima appears out of nowhere, telling them that the one standing there isn't, in fact, Jellal, but rather his counterpart from Edolas, effectively switching the two's roles. While they are speaking, the Mermaid Heel members competing in the Games pass a certain distance away... not enough for Kagura to avoid noting Jellal, that is. The girl falls to her knees, suffering a sudden faint and bringing her hand to her mouth as she starts sweating visibly. Meanwhile, Millianna realizes Jellal's presence as well, but she's prevented from making herself noticed to him by Kagura, who's quieted down and now stands back on her feet, insisting that they don't cause any trouble but pulling out a really angry expression in seeing the one her sword's named after.



...

Come on Mega, you can tell us. No need to be shy. The child's yours, isn't it? You made the samurai girl pregnant, didn't you? "Gets suddenly angry and starts beating Mega with a rolled newspaper" BAD DOG, MEGA, BAD DOG! U NO IMPREGNATE MANGA PEOPLE BREAKING DA FOURTH WALL!!! BAD DOG!!! "Notices comic strips on the newspaper he's handling as a makeshift blunt weapon" Oh, comics! "Leaves reading the strips and forgets about Mega"

...

Returning to the chapter...

Unaware of Mermaid Heel's presence nearby, Jellal puts his mask on and leaves, thanking Yajima telepathically. Lahar, however, tells a shocked Doranbolt that the former Council member lied, and that the one who was standing before them was indeed Jellal, resolving to prevent him from getting away. The Mage from Crime Sorcière has lost the mysterious man in the mess, and is left to wonder who that was.

Meanwhile, Laxus and Makarov are sitting in Crocus' gardens discussing about Lumen Histoire, with Laxus telling Makarov how his father described it. Mavis butts in (hell, epic grandfather and nephew were having a discussion, get the fuck out of here!) and claims that Lumen Histoire isn't Fairy Tail's "darkness", but rather its "light". Laxus honorably desists from learning something which is reserved to Guild Masters. THAT'S SO NOBLE OF YOU, LAXUS-SAMA!!! Mavis tells Makarov it was likely Purehito/Hades who let Iwan know about Lumen Histoire, and burst into tears, with an alarmed Makarov telling Laxus to comfort her, and Laxus replying that'd be too much. Laxus x Mavis shippers, you're head's full of cra...

When evening comes, Fairy Tail celebrates the day in the now familiar Bar Sun, practicing a sport of recent invention, the Barrel Surfing... Which consists of surfing over rolling barrels. Yeah, that's right. Squeak. Anyhow, something interesting happens as Elfman wakes up in the infirmary and sees Evergreen sleeping at his bedside, and, instead of "Man" like he uses to say, whispers "Woman". Yeah, that's right, Elfman, there aren't only men and sisters in the world. You can now forsake your homosexuality!

In Sabertooth's lodging, Sting tells his annoying Exceed partner that he feels like he'll be fighting Natsu the following day. With only two pages left, Mashima remembers he titled the chapter "Night of Intersecting Feelings", and so goes on to spam some balloons portraying several characters with melancholy expressions doing random stuff. You know, Rogue and Arcadios standing idly without doing nothing, Millianna doing the same but seated, Kagura bathing and Mato revealing his pumpkin head's a mask. WAIT, WHAT??? Well, at least this was interesting.

Elsewhere, Yukino salutes an unspecified "Sergeant" while clad in a military-like garment. Again, "WAIT, WHAT???". This thing will need further explanations. Anyhow, the chapter ends with the usual calendar telling us there are only 3 days left before the 7th July.

The chapter sported the usual good drawings, and we got some particularly interesting expressions from Kagura. A close up shot of Laxus' face from page 11, the one in the bottom row's central balloon, was very good as well, despite being simple and not large.

III - Chapter 291: Naval Battle


Here comes the fourth day's event, Naval Battle, the chapter's namesake. Were you by chance expecting ships, cannons, harpoons, rowers and stuff? Well, dear people, you're free to feel disappointed. All we get is a gigantic, floating sphere of water containing a Mage from each of the competing teams. The competitors can somehow breath underwater, and the last one to remain in the wet dome will be the winner. In case only two participants remained, the organizers wil reward the one thrown out before 5 minutes by giving him/her the least amount of points out of all those in the sphere... even those who were thrown out beforehand.

Nice way to reward efforts, bunch of shitheads honorable organizers.

Today's guest is Labian. If you haven't realized, the link is to make it easier for you to find the character's page before going: "Oh, I see, it's this guy! Who the fuck still remembered him?". Anyhow, the participants are introduced, and, aside from Cerberus' Rocker, sporting an embarassing speedo, all the other Mages swimming around the dome are females clad in more or less revealing swimsuits: Lamia's Chelia, Pegasus' Jenny, Mermaid's Risley (fat version, ewwwww!!!!), Fairy B's Juvia, Sabertooth's Minerva and Fairy A's Lucy. A minute could be spent noting how Lucy's body seems to "benefit" from the presence of water, and how Minerva must have stolen her swimsuit from her granny's wardrobe.

The event starts, and Lucy goes to the offense, summoning forth Aquarius, who has her usual assault neautralized by Juvia and then leaves for a date. Useful as a handjob given by a transsexual, as a friend of mine enjoys saying. Children, don't try at home.

Taking advantage of the confusion, Jenny kicks Rocker out of the dome without the Cerberus Mage managing to do anything nor cast any Magic.

...

No, I won't say anything. I won't give Mashima any satisfaction.

Let's move on to Risley, who avoids one of Chelia's attacks by turning into her slim form, much to our eyes' relief. Lucy is almost thrown out of the sphere by Juvia, but she's saved by bikini'd Virgo and Aries. Remnant Chapati wonders why Fairy Tail A didn't send Wendy out in Lucy's place, unable to appreciate Lucy's... qualities... as Juvia throws most of the other competitors out with a water attack packed full of cartoonish hearts she wants to send Gray. That is, moments before being thrown out of the dome herself seemingly by Minerva's Magic, leaving Lucy and Sabertooth's "young lady" as the two finalists. The 5-minutes rule comes into effect in order to "keep the suspense until the end". Yeah, right.

Minerva states that she could send Lucy flying out anytime, but that she wants to see how much her opponent can endure her attacks, which come in unconventional forms, seemingly manipulating heat and heavy objects inside the completely void dome to strike the Celestial Spirit Mage... What's up with the woman's Magic? Whatever it is, Minerva manages to take Lucy's keys away from her without even nearing the girl, leaving her defenseless and open to her peculiar attacks as the 5 minutes rapidly go by... Just as there are only 31 seconds left, Lucy has the brilliant idea to spit some Nakama Crap. Minerva doesn't like the matter, and, after a second of surprise, proceeds to assault Lucy more and more fiercely, angrily berating Fairy Tail while she proclaims Sabertooth the world's top guild. Lucy's almost sent flying out of the dome... only to be teleported back in its center for Minerva to keep going at her. Such action doesn't please Fairy Tail, angering both the usual guys (i.e. Natsu, Gray and Erza, who have a staredown with the other, seemingly entertained members of Sabertooth), Gajeel and, hear, LAXUS. Ohoh, Minerva, you screwed yourself. Angering the scum's nothing special, but hey, making Gajeel angry... and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, making LAXUS angry...!!! Let me tell you, sistah, you're in BIG troubles. And that's not because you're wearing an embarassing swimsuit.

Arcadios, alarmed, orders the match to be stopped, and both Lucy's comrades and several doctors rush as Minerva suspends the girl's tormented and motionless body out of the dome. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWdGIbZKtmg Lucy are you okay? So, Lucy are you ok? ARE YOU OKAY, LUCY? You've been hit by - You've been hit by a WesternEastern Whore!]

What to say... The chapter wasn't drawn badly, but I had much higher hopes for an event called "Naval Battle"... Not to mention how Minerva's merely a crazy psycho and not the cool schemer we thought she was. Great.

IV - Chapter 292: All Feelings Unite


So, where were we? Oh, right. Minerva holding an unconscious and badly beaten Lucy out of the watery dome. Tired after sustaining the girl with a single arm for the whole week it took the chapter to come out, Minerva lets go of Lucy, who's rapidly grabbed by Natsu and Gray before she can hit the ground. Fairy Tail A's on the verge of assaulting Sabertooth's woman and her comrades who stood between them, but they merely leave the place after promising to get revenge on them and tell mama what they did to Lucy. No more candies for you, bad fanged cats!

Anyhow, Lucy survives thanks to Chelia's Magic, is moved to the infirmary and here receives her keys back from Happy, hugging them like a teddy bear and falling asleep. Makarov appears out of the blue and tells his boys that the administration decided to join their two teams in a single one to make up for Raven Tail's absence. Natsu spits some Nakama Crap. Next scene.

The matchups have been decided and are as following:
 * Blue Pegasus vs Quatro Cerberus Puppy
 * Mermaid Heel vs Lamia Scale
 * Sabertooth vs Fairy Tail

Everyone cheers for the newly-reformed group and Nakama Crap is fired in the air like fireworks as Team Fairy Tail's obvious members set foot into the sandy arena to join the others. Such Mages are... Drumroll... Oh, come on, they're obviously the five required to engage each Sabertooth member in a staredown.
 * Natsu and Gajeel look at Sting and Rogue respectively.
 * Gray and Rufus stare at each other.
 * Erza locks eyes with Minerva.
 * Laxus and Orga menacingly observe each other. Man, this is what I was waiting for.

The chapter ends with Datong (adding a link in the unlikely case you guys didn't remember 'bout him) noting how, in the past, the Grand Magic Games were referred to as the "Dragon King's Festival", a "banquet" of humans, demons and dragons. An otherwordly orgy, if you guys want to put it that way. Wait, what does he mean by "in the past"? Weren't the Games created after X784, no more than seven years ago?

...

Let's avoid coming up with intelligent questions. It will hurt less this way.

A well-drawn and pretty enjoyable chapter, despite the almost complete lack of events. Especially if we compare such chapter with the bunch of shit Mashima's been covering us with recently. This one had Laxus, at least. It's already something.

V - Chapter 293: The Perfume Dedicated to You


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WARNING!

The following review examines shit. Reading is not recommended to those with a weak stomach. Your writer declines any responsibility. Read at your own risk.

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The first battle in last chapter's list iys nearing is start, and confronting in the sandy field are Cerberus' Bacchus and Rocker and Pegasus' Ichiya (who else could a chapter named like this involve?) and the mysterious guy clad in a bunny suit. The crowd holds its breath as "Usagi" (fitting name, Abe) removes its mask.



...

I don't want to raise your expectations folks. It's Nichiya. Yeah, the link should show how much you might remember 'bout this guy. It's merely that Exceed captain with the same face as Ichiya. It's not a new character, the Exceed is stating alone in the costume, without the need for another anthropmorhous cat holding him on his shoulders (our hearts are crying Abe). t's merely... Nichiya. This is Pegasus' secret weapon.

General shock for both the audience and the readers. Bacchus, clearly among the most eager to see the mysterious man, is disappointed, and as a result decides to knock Nichiya out with a single palm strike. BOOM, HEADSHOT!

Nichiya is downed. Blue Pegasus' secret weapon served no purpose, and a despaired Ichiya now suffers a barrage of attacks from Bacchus and Rocker. The latter has at long last its Magic revealed, and, be amazed, even NAMED: Drill Rock, allowing him to make parts of his body spin like drills for augmented offensive power and speed. Not bad at all, considering how many ideas Mashima could have used, and knowing that his ideas aren't often the good ones.

Anyhow, the fight continues with Ichiya getting beaten like a boxing bag, this until he starts thinking Nakama Crap 'bout his downed counterpart, pulls out one of his perfumes enhancing muscle mass (not the one we'd seen already in the Oración Seis arc; guess Mashima forgot 'bout that) and defeats both Bacchus and Rocker at the same time with a punch not unlike those seen in cartoons, sending them flying high in the sky.

...

Oh My Fucking God. Seriously, OH - MY - FUCKING - GOD. The clash which was supposed to pit a melee specialist strong as (if not stronger than) Erza against the strongest Mage of a guild was solved by... A motherfucking cartoonish move. I don't even know what to say. Someone powerful as Bacchus was trashed by a single, Plot Armor-oozing punch, and the other Mage we expected so much from did NOTHING worth noting.

We might as well continue... Oh, no, wait. The rest of the chapter is shit too. We don't get to see Mermaid Heel vs Lamia Scale, the fight ending in an unseen draw, with Kagura and Millianna having fought Lyon and Yuka. Seriously, seeing as Jura didn't fight, Lamia rightfully earned its place among 2012's Top Retarded Guilds.

Up next for Fairy Tail vs Sabertooth is Natsu and Gajeel vs Sting and Rogue. SERIOUSLY???!!! WHAT A SURPRISE!!! THIS WASN'T OBVIOUS AT ALL!!!

The hell with you.

Oh, right, Igneel is seen in his usual "Lava Paradise" blabbering some nonsense.

Nice drawings for shit. A nice 2-panels shot of Ichiya showing a shitty expression before achieving his shitty victory. A Cover with Gray, Lucy and Happy sporting shitty cat outfits.

...

Shit.