User blog comment:IamJakuhoRaikoben/Chapter 376: Wendy vs. Ezel, Review./@comment-5303512-20140320221615/@comment-4829046-20140321150709

Yes, contradictory right? But hey! That's cause I am as cynical as much as I hate suffering. That's what life teaches after all. I myself am disgusted at my weakness since it's just a part of life to get hurt, and getting weak in the knees from seeing an injury can be a serious disadvantage in times of emergency. But this only applies to wounds on a person I can sympathize with, not necessarily always myself or a random person. If it's anyone I dislike, then I don't give a damn(most of the time). Also I have no problem seeing blood or flesh or organs when it has nothing to do with an injury. I've come to the conclusion that rather than an actual fear of pain, I'm more fearful of the idea of seeing someone undergo it especially when that person did nothing to deserve it or it is well beyond the amount I feel appropriate.

About the screaming. Well take it like this. Imagine an enemy okay? Now the attacker wants to end it swiftly. He rushes up and pins the enemy down, exposing a critical area like the neck, or chest or even head. The enemy screams while being charged and while the death-blow is being delivered(depending on where it was delivered that is. You can't really scream when being chocked.) Everything is over in less than a minute. Now what I mean by "scream" in this context is the agonizing kind that goes on for a very long time. This can be due to being mutilated/tortured while still alive or when being poisoned or driven to insanity. Yeah.... that scream. I really find it uncomfortable. Sometimes, I even feel uncomfortable when hearing it from someone who deserves it but try to convince myself otherwise. It's difficult being a cynical realist when also being a person that cares I suppose.... Which is why I feel bad when having to kill people that are begging for mercy in games even though I know they are murderous bastards. I want to at least have them attacking me again, so that I don't feel like I was unfair. And even while attacking, some of the killing animations in games make me feel real sorry at times. It's still fun though but.... morals.

And I don't know... I rarely ever draw but I'm sure it's about the same level. >_>